Bit of Happy #28: A Bit Of Hope

21 Oct

“Some days, there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”
-Emory Austin

At the beginning of October, I was working on a Breast Cancer Awareness Month campaign at work, and it had me thinking that I should dedicate a special entry to all of those who have had to endure the hardship of breast cancer – whether it was a friend, family member, or you. Cancer is a scary thing. In moments, your world can be turned upside down, and before you know it, you could very well be fighting for your life, or helping a loved one fight for theirs.

It has been over a year now since my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Fortunately, it was caught at an early stage, and she is now in remission. But I’ll never – not for one second – forget that sickening feeling wash over my entire body when I found out…

A few weeks prior, my mom told me she went to have a mammogram and that the results came back unclear, so she had to go back for more testing. She said it was probably nothing to worry about and that it has happened to her before, but she just wanted me to know. I felt a pang of worry, but in the coming weeks while waiting for the new results, the worry faded away.

One night, she came over to my dorm apartment (I was still in college at the time) to drop off a few things, and she came in and sat down on my bed. I was chatting away, putting away clothes that I’d just gotten out of the dryer – not really paying any attention. But as I was hanging something in my closet, all of a sudden, it hit me. I dropped whatever was in my hands in that moment and turned to look at her. I could suddenly sense all of her fear, all of her sadness, all of her anxiety. Neither of us said a word. There was no need to. The room, in a matter of moments, felt heavy and dark. Hopeless. We just looked at each other as our eyes filled with tears. I didn’t even realize the steps I’d taken to close the gap between us. I still don’t know if I held her, or if she held me.

Seeing that fleck of terror in her eyes, even if only for a few moments, I felt all of my walls begin to tumble down. My mom has always been strong, courageous and incredibly positive. Even the slightest possibility of living the rest of my life without my mother, my support, my everything… it was a daunting concept to even allow pass through my mind. What would I do without her? It was one of the most terrifying moments in my life. I felt completely and utterly helpless.

And it was that very feeling that not only me, but so many of us have had to endure because of breast cancer, some other type of illness or just any situation leading to the realization that, I or someone I love could die from this. But just like this quote, some days aren’t happy ones, some days you wonder if you have anything left to give, some days you have no hope left for a bright future. And it is those days that this quote is asking you to sing anyway, find the strength anyway, give anyway, hope anyway… Fight. Until your last breath, sing even without the song in your heart.

So, here’s to Breast Cancer Awareness Month and finding the cure to save future generations. Here’s to all of the survivors and families who have beat breast cancer. Here’s to all of the donations and charity events going towards finding a cure. And most importantly, I mean this with my entire heart, here’s to those who have suffered loss to breast cancer. May you always keep them safe in your heart and mind and live your lives as full as possible – just as they would have wanted.

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4 Responses to “Bit of Happy #28: A Bit Of Hope”

  1. boomkaboom2608 October 22, 2010 at 11:27 am #

    This is really sad.
    I lost my grandma, but that wasn’t cause of breast cancer. She was just getting old..
    Still, it was hard for me, and thinking about her still brings tears.

    • Stephanie Frances November 8, 2010 at 9:22 pm #

      It is certainly difficult. And there are no amount of words that’ll make it any better. Stay strong, and the best thing you can do is always keep her memory with you. 🙂

  2. Christine October 25, 2010 at 11:28 am #

    We held each other. I love you more each day!!!

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